Dad
It's been 14 years since I last heard your voice or felt your warm touch. 14 years without my biggest fan, rooting me on in anything I do. It's hard to describe my feelings, as I try with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. 14 years somehow flashes by in an instant, but yet it feels like forever ago. Today marks a pivotal day in my life. Today, and everyday after, I am living a life longer without you than I have with you. I had you for 14 years. I had you present, a constant, for 14 years. I had you at every school play, concert, volleyball game, track and field, hockey game, ball game... Everything I did, you were there. You made it to everything. And even when you were sick, I remember I spotted you in the lobby in your wheelchair, oxygen in tow, during one of my hockey games. Or on one of your sickest days, you made your way up the stairs just to apologize for not being able to make it, and to wish me luck and I quote 'giver shit Brooke'. I know that took everything you had as I watched you struggle just to take your next breath. But you did it just to be there for me.
I talk about you often with my kids. We pray for you each night. Kane asks why his Papa has to be in heaven, and wishes he could come down to see him. I tell him I wish that too. He knows you are all around us and watching over us everyday. He knows Papas favourite number and his favourite hockey team. He will bring your name up in random places, and although it catches me off guard and sometimes makes me cry, I love it. I love that he knows about you, thinks about you and talks about you. I look forward to our talks about you, maybe because so many others don't mention your name anymore. Others maybe don't know what to say, or how to say it. But with kids, they'll say anything and I love that.
Dad you shaped me into the person I am today. I'm so glad I had you for those 14 years. I truly do feel lucky I had you in my life for as long as I did. You were a kind, gentle, loving, funny person. You would take the shirt off your back for anyone who needed it, and in fact you did in Mexico. You took the shirt right off your back and gave it to someone who needed it more. That's the kind of person you were. And I believe still are. Anyone who knew you, knew the kind of dad, husband and friend you were. You would have done anything for your family and friends, including getting sick. You always said you thanked God it was you and not one of us girls.
I had a hard time after your death. A period in my life I don't like to look back on, and I'm only admitting it now for the first time. I believe it was you and your faith that got me through it. You gave me something I was never expecting, wasn't planning, but you knew I needed him, my firstborn Kane. God (and you) knew what I needed before I did. He knew and He gave it to me. I wholeheartedly believe that. Kane saved me, he saved me from myself, my demons and my sad heart. He made me become my most favourite title in the world, a mother. My heart is full, colourful and happy again. And I have God and you to thank💛.
I believe you were set on this earth to make an impact. And boy you did. So many people around you are better just having known you. The town of Eston has named the Fitness Centre after you and the Ramblers have retired your #10 jersey. That is something special. You meant so much to not only your family and friends, but the entire community.
I am sad for the things in my life that I will not be able to experience with you. I will never get to see your face when you see me for the first time in a wedding dress. You will never get to walk me down the isle, or dance with me at my wedding. You will never meet Joe, or our children. I will never be able to invite you over for a drink and to watch the game, or have conversations with you as an adult. I will never see the look on your face as you play with all of your grandchildren. I will never get to see you age past the young 43 that you were, or someday become a great grandpa. But mostly, I am sad for me. As I know you WILL be there for all of these things, it will be me yearning your physical presence.
It brings me comfort knowing you are surrounded by those who love you the most. Both your Mom and Dad, your sister Charlene, Grandpa Ed's wife Marlene, Grandma Pat, and your Godson Gavin. These people are your biggest cheerleaders (and vide versa) and I'm happy you are all together, watching down on us.
Until we meet again, a day I look forward to everyday.
XoXo
It's been 14 years since I last heard your voice or felt your warm touch. 14 years without my biggest fan, rooting me on in anything I do. It's hard to describe my feelings, as I try with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. 14 years somehow flashes by in an instant, but yet it feels like forever ago. Today marks a pivotal day in my life. Today, and everyday after, I am living a life longer without you than I have with you. I had you for 14 years. I had you present, a constant, for 14 years. I had you at every school play, concert, volleyball game, track and field, hockey game, ball game... Everything I did, you were there. You made it to everything. And even when you were sick, I remember I spotted you in the lobby in your wheelchair, oxygen in tow, during one of my hockey games. Or on one of your sickest days, you made your way up the stairs just to apologize for not being able to make it, and to wish me luck and I quote 'giver shit Brooke'. I know that took everything you had as I watched you struggle just to take your next breath. But you did it just to be there for me.
I talk about you often with my kids. We pray for you each night. Kane asks why his Papa has to be in heaven, and wishes he could come down to see him. I tell him I wish that too. He knows you are all around us and watching over us everyday. He knows Papas favourite number and his favourite hockey team. He will bring your name up in random places, and although it catches me off guard and sometimes makes me cry, I love it. I love that he knows about you, thinks about you and talks about you. I look forward to our talks about you, maybe because so many others don't mention your name anymore. Others maybe don't know what to say, or how to say it. But with kids, they'll say anything and I love that.
Dad you shaped me into the person I am today. I'm so glad I had you for those 14 years. I truly do feel lucky I had you in my life for as long as I did. You were a kind, gentle, loving, funny person. You would take the shirt off your back for anyone who needed it, and in fact you did in Mexico. You took the shirt right off your back and gave it to someone who needed it more. That's the kind of person you were. And I believe still are. Anyone who knew you, knew the kind of dad, husband and friend you were. You would have done anything for your family and friends, including getting sick. You always said you thanked God it was you and not one of us girls.
I had a hard time after your death. A period in my life I don't like to look back on, and I'm only admitting it now for the first time. I believe it was you and your faith that got me through it. You gave me something I was never expecting, wasn't planning, but you knew I needed him, my firstborn Kane. God (and you) knew what I needed before I did. He knew and He gave it to me. I wholeheartedly believe that. Kane saved me, he saved me from myself, my demons and my sad heart. He made me become my most favourite title in the world, a mother. My heart is full, colourful and happy again. And I have God and you to thank💛.
I believe you were set on this earth to make an impact. And boy you did. So many people around you are better just having known you. The town of Eston has named the Fitness Centre after you and the Ramblers have retired your #10 jersey. That is something special. You meant so much to not only your family and friends, but the entire community.
I am sad for the things in my life that I will not be able to experience with you. I will never get to see your face when you see me for the first time in a wedding dress. You will never get to walk me down the isle, or dance with me at my wedding. You will never meet Joe, or our children. I will never be able to invite you over for a drink and to watch the game, or have conversations with you as an adult. I will never see the look on your face as you play with all of your grandchildren. I will never get to see you age past the young 43 that you were, or someday become a great grandpa. But mostly, I am sad for me. As I know you WILL be there for all of these things, it will be me yearning your physical presence.
It brings me comfort knowing you are surrounded by those who love you the most. Both your Mom and Dad, your sister Charlene, Grandpa Ed's wife Marlene, Grandma Pat, and your Godson Gavin. These people are your biggest cheerleaders (and vide versa) and I'm happy you are all together, watching down on us.
Until we meet again, a day I look forward to everyday.
XoXo